It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
