I'm drive I can fine osifer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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