i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
