Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
