I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
