Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
