It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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