Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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