my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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