Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
