matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
