he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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