summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
