I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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