I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
