doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
third nipple confirmed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
