I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize