Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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