No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
