Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
