I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
