Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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