There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
