I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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