Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
as a side note pls kill me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize