the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
