I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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