Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
