Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
