My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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