I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
