My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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