he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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