I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
