Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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