My sheets look like a crime scene.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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