You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize