One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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