I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize