i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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