That's when you crack a 10am beer
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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