i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
