careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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