does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
