so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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