I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
