and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
