I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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