Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
