every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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