if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
