fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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