you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
