I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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