Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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