i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
