I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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