So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
