i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
