Someone shit on the floor
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
