You made me cry and you don't even care
why didn't you poke me back
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
