I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
