Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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