You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
