So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize