Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
