i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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